I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
