You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
