my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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