he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
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He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
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