i was born a porn star she said
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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