i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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