If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
