i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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