I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
