I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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