i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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