okay pat passed out under dana's car
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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