I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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