If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize