just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
