I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
