Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He felt like a one man threesome
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
