I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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