MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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