where am i from again
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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