Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize