its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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