john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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