It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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