i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
