my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
we're so committed to being not committed
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
