I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
