She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
