I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
