Soap is not a condiment
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
