I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
