I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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