Duck Duck Cougar?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
