I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just want to make out with him forever
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
