Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
