come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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