While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
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We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
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I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize