This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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