I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
