He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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