Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
