Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
