"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
