i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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