At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
