It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
what day is it and did you see me today?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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