Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
