he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
