i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
