She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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