please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
