1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
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I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
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Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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