Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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