Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
