what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
