Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
