your thong is hanging out like whoa
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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