I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize