Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
