I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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