I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
