i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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