3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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