i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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