Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
