I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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