too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
