I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
