Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
