Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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