All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
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