I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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