i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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