She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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