god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
