Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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