why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
