There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
